from Ethics for the New Millennium by the Dalai Lama

Anger and the afflictive emotions have a propensity to increase, like a river flooding in summer when the snow melts, so that far from being free, our minds are enslaved and rendered helpless by them. When we indulge our negative thoughts and feelings, inevitably we become accustomed to them. As a result, gradually we become more prone to them and more controlled by them. We become habituated to exploding in the face of displeasing circumstances.

It is totally illogical to seek happiness if we do nothing to restrain angry, spiteful, and malicious thoughts and emotions. Consider that when we become angry, we often use harsh words. Harsh words can destroy friendship. Since happiness arises in the context of our relationships with others, if we destroy friendships, we undermine one of the very conditions of happiness itself.

[this] does not mean that we should deny our feelings. Restraint constitutes a deliberate and voluntarily adopted discipline based on an appreciation of the benefits of doing so.

p106 The most important benefit of so pa, or patience, consists in the way it acts as a powerful antidote to the affliction of anger--the greatest threat to our inner peace and therefore our happiness.

The mind, or spirit (lo), is not physical. It cannot be touched or harmed directly. Only negative thoughts and emotions can harm it.

p125 There is little to be gained from being kind and generous because we hope to win something in return. Actions motivated by the desire to create a good name for ourselves are still selfish, however much they may appear to be acts of kindness. There is nothing exceptional about acts of charity toward those we already feel close to. The bias we naturally feel toward our families and friends is actually a highly unreliable thing on which to base ethical conduct.

Why is this so? So long as the individuals in question continue to meet our expectations, all is well, But should they fail to do so, someone we consider a dear friend on day can become our sworn enemy the next.

p146 Ethical discipline is indispensable because it is the means by which we mediate between the competing claims of my right to happiness and others' equal right.

There will always be those who suppose their own happiness to be of such importance that others' pain is of no consequence. But this is short-sighted. No one truly benefits from causing harm to others. Whatever immediate advantage is gained ... is necessarily only temporary. In the long run, causing others hurt and disturbing their peace and happiness causes anxiety. Because our actions have an impact both on ourselves and others, when we lack discipline, eventually anxiety arises in our mind, and deep in our heart we come to feel a sense of disquiet.

Disciplining our response to negative thoughts and emotions will cause us fewer problems in the long run than indulging in acts of selfishness.

p148-9 When our intentions are polluted by selfishness, by hatred, by desire to deceive, however much our acts may have the appearance of being constructive, inevitably their impact will be negative, both for self and others.

afflictive emotions destroy our critical and imaginative powers, which are what enable us to discriminate between temporary and long-term benefit.

employing the faculty of wise discernment involves constantly checking our outlook and asking ourselves whether we are being broad-minded or narrow-minded.

p220 whether a person practices religion or not, the spiritual qualities of love and compassion, patience, tolerance, forgiveness, humility, and [ethical discipline] are indispensable.

p233 The best way to ensure that when we approach death we do so without remorse is to ensure that in the present moment we conduct ourselves responsibly and with compassion for others. compassion is one of the principal things that make our lives meaningful. It is the source of all lasting happiness and joy.

Through kindness, through affection, through honesty, through truth and justice toward all others we ensure our own benefit. This is not a matter of complicated theorizing. It is a matter of common sense.

There is no denying that our happiness is inextricably bound up with the happiness of others. There is no denying that if society suffers, we ourselves suffer. Nor is there any denying that the more our hearts and minds are afflicted with ill-will, the more miserable we become.

Love for others and respect for their rights and dignity, no matter who or what they are: ultimately these are all we need. As long as we have compassion for others and conduct ourselves with restraint out of a sense of responsibility, there is no doubt we will be happy.

If it is so simple to be happy, why do we find it so hard? We neglect to confront our negative thoughts and emotions. By being inattentive to the needs of others, inevitably we end up harming them. And when things do not work out, full of self-righteousness, we blame them for our difficulties.

In focusing on the mundane [the acquisition of objects and acquiring of friends], what is essential remains hidden from us. When problems assail us, as they must, we are unprepared. We find that we cannot cope. We are left despairing and unhappy.